I'm Not Weak

by Highland Kites

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1.
I drew a picture for you last night Hung it up till the paint dried I couldn't get the shape of your eyes quite right You know how my stupid imperfections keep me up at night I can't stop thinking about how you compare everything I do To a storm, so ominous and breathtaking, so irritating I have nothing to say Let's stop talking, If it's ok with you I'll go. I have nothing to say I have nothing to say I have nothing to say I wrote a song for you last night. Spent 6 hours getting the melody right, It was a little too depressing, you'd say that's typical. I don't want to be too upsetting, I don't want to spill all of my soul, With blood dripping on the ground from screaming so loud and breaking my throat. I can't stop thinking about how you compare everything I do To a storm, so ominous and breathtaking, so irritating I have nothing to say Let's stop talking, If it's ok with you I'll go. I have nothing to say. I have nothing to say. I have nothing to say. I think I'll go. This is who I am, I overthink, I'm cynical, I do things wrong sometimes, I break, I spill my guts on stage to people I don't know. You ask me why I always change my mind and why I'm so goddamn unpredictable And all I can say is if it's ok, I think I'll go. Because I have nothing to say.
2.
Monster 04:48
If I say goodbye to these monsters could I turn on the lights? Settle with these demons and stop this fight, could I? Could I sleep where the ocean tide meets my feet and the moon says goodbye to the sea? Am I a monster? So it seems. A nightmare, lost in a dream. Am I monster? Am I just a monster? So it seems. Somedays these city lights don't make sense to me, I want to follow a road away from this debris. Take me wear to the sun it sings to the breeze and forms perfect rays of light, running through my body. Am I a monster? So it seems. A nightmare, lost in a dream. Am I monster? Am I just a monster? So it seems. When will the day arrive where I don't eat myself alive, where my monsters die and leave me in peace? I could stop this fight, I could stop fighting.
3.
I remember the street signs as I drove away, That sunset it will forever be etched in my mind I guess I'd imagined you'd beg me to stay You stared into space, I saw nothing in those eyes Sometimes it's not okay and everything's not right No I'm it good at change, or with noise in my mind I'm not our saving grace, No not this time. I poured my heart into a temporary life. Excuse me for being so damn jaded, Excuse my enthusiasm, it's obviously faded from breaking and shaking and trying and dying, it was all for a temporary life. My greatest flaw is never giving anything up, Even when it hurts so damn much And I'm trying, I'm trying to heal my mind and this my way, My way of saying goodbye.
4.
Why do you look at me? With condescending eyes like I'm too dumb to realize what going on. What do you expect of me? To sit and hold the weight of something so futile? It's wrong. You've never been alone. Always had a crutch, someone safe to lean on. Don't say I'm in the wrong. It was my will to survive, that's why I left this all behind. You've never been alone, and you'll never know. I didn't want to go. But it had been years since I had a place that I could call my home. I couldn't bear it anymore. My body was so frail from all the meds that I was on. You didn't want to hold me. I leaned into to you, and you were gone. I cared so much about you it was almost it's own disease. But my will to live finally beat my need for you to love me. Yes I will sick but not in the way you think. You'll never understand it and now that's okay. It's ok with me.
5.
I'm Not Weak 04:43
It's always late at night when these thoughts they seem to culminate. They almost make sense in my dream like state The words are so loud, they're so loud in my brain. They scream if I loved you less I'd be okay. But you knew it All I'd ever done is forgive your flaws You knew it That I can't help myself at all Not at all I finally realize that's it ok to break I finally realize that it's ok to not feel hate I finally realize I'm not weak for always forgiving That I'm not weak As I walk away I curse the whole universe For not splitting love is perfect halves so we're equally hurt I curse myself for heavy thinking, Feeling all this pain, It's like a thousand bricks, A thousand bricks deep seated in my brain I know who I am and it's okay I'll love you as I walk away, I'll know you are and I pray you'll find that person someday. I'm not weak

credits

released July 29, 2017

Songs written by Highland Kites
Vocals/Guitar/Keys: Marissa Lamar
Drums/Percussion: Neil Briggs
Lead Guitar: Raymond Richards/Alex Edwards/Aaron Domingo
Bass: Raymond Richards
Recorded at Willowcrest Studios & B-Side Studios
Produced and mixed by Raymond Richards
Mastered by Little Red Book Mastering
Artwork by Mathew Bolger

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Highland Kites Nashville, Tennessee

Highland Kites is an independent dreamy alternative band formed in LA and now based out of Nashville. For more about the band go here: www.highlandkites.com#bio

“There’s a profound energy emitting from Highland Kites’ music: Vibrant and bright, reflective and engaged.” -Atwood Magazine

Their next 5 song EP “better off” was released on the the 21st of June 2019 via MGM distribution.
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